Forbidden Secrets & Untold Stories
Anger Management: Seeking the Source

This week I have been clashing with the Chinese culture HEAD ON with no brakes. I have been ill tempered, impatient, physically destructive and emotionally unavailable at the face of “cultural differences” between China and America. I am very in tune with my emotions and had to admit to myself that the past couple of days I have been swimming in the poison of ANGER. The only way to detox myself from this poison is to break it down to a point of understanding, acknowledge the source and create a prevention plan for the future.

The past few days have been a bitter sweet experience. Ilana is here visiting and I have had so much fun with her around. But it feels like Guangzhou has been making it a mission to show to me how Communism and lack of development of a country can distort the perception of those who were born into it and don’t know any better.

Seeking the source —— Psalms 139: 23,24

The source of my anger comes from my loss of patience.

  • I have lost all patience for those who stare, point, whisper or try and take pictures of me.

“Yes I have brown skin and it different from yours. No sir, despite you arguing with me about where I am from, I am from America. Yes, there are brown people in other countries of the world besides those based in Africa.”
“No sir, I will not take a picture with you and your entire clan because I am not a zoo animal and would rather not be stored in your phone as one.”

“No sir, I am not African and no I am not a prostitute.”
  • I have lost all patience for those random police officers, those of which not even in a police uniform, who harass you for your passport, visa or residence permit based on the color of you skin just to appease themselves.
“Yes sir, I will show you my passort for the 3rd time this month. Yes officer, I do have a valid visa and resident permit, I have been in this country for 6 months. Yes officer, I do work at the school you are currently embarrassing yourself in front of.”
  • I have lost all patience for the merchants who purposely over charge you because you are a foreigner and they think you don’t know any better.
“No mam, I will not buy those thin fabric sandals for 230RMB that you just sold to the Chinese woman in front of me for 40RMB. And no, bringing them down to 200 will not entice me to buy them either.”

“No mam, I will not pay an extra 28RMB for cheese sticks that you failed to bring to my table after I re-ordered them twice, because you were too busy attending to the other customers you felt were worthy of your attention.
  • I have lost all patience for those available cab drivers who slowly pass you by because they don’t want to have someone of your kind in their cab.
  • I have lost all patience for my hundreds of students who still do not have a notebook for my class because they don’t think it is necessary for them to take notes or participate in the lesson.
  • I have lost patience with my students who speak Chinese throughout the entire Oral English lesson, refusing to even TRY to speak English or learn anything for that matter.
  • I have lost patience with Guangzhou, China.
All of these situations have started to consume me with a venom of anger that is limiting my experience and holding me captive.

Anger is an emotion that can occur when there is a threat to our self-esteem, our bodies, our property, our ways of seeing the world, or our desires.

-Rita Lehmann


I see the world as a land of opportunity, challenges, diversity and revolution. And that is definitely NOT how most Chinese people see it. While I have been privileged to travel to different countries around the world, a lot of Chinese people in China have never been outside of China or their small city. Some have never seen an African American woman on the train or in the market. I am the “first” for so many. Where as I should see it as a breakthrough, my response to their reactions have been fear and petulance. The fear causes me not to trust them and the petulance leaves me to respond negatively with arguing, loud talking and physical attempt to correct the wrong.

But ANGER is one small letter away from DANGER.

So, if I want to live long, I need to open my heart in the area of ACCEPTANCE. I don’t have to like the Chinese culture or change my lifestyle to mirror it, but I can try my best to accept the people of Guangzhou and essentially the people of China for who they are, what they believe is right and how they choose to live.

I can’t change every person I meet, I want to- BUT I CAN’T. I can’t beat on every police officer who harasses me. I can’t stop people from staring. I can educate but I can’t force my students to learn, I can’t force them to want to speak a language they are unfamiliar with. All I can do is offer my services. All I can do is be the “first” for the millions who have never seen someone like me, or heard someone like me speak. All I can do is pray for deliverance of these people in hopes that one day they know better.

But I refuse to keep being angry about it! It’s easy to say and very hard to live out but I am going to try my best to see these experiences as lessons placed before me to make me better, wiser and more aware of the world that I live in. There is a reason for my angry season, but this too shall and must pass in order for me to get the best out of my experience here in China.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Romans 8:28

3 notes
1 year ago
  1. dj-laoshi reblogged this from royalnotes and added:
    People in China do not want to hear when a foreigner has a hard time, especially when it comes to race - and here is one...
  2. moniqueprecious said: Wow, this is such a powerful blog! I can only imagine how hard it must be to live out there, but the good thing is that you notice where your anger is coming from! I admire you for noticing the root of the problem, and for choosing to fight through it! Stay encouraged Jojo…
  3. royalnotes posted this